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 A beautful night turns out bad part 2

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★gakuenalice ★
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PostSubject: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Tue Feb 23, 2016 9:17 pm

Ivy Brandon  Emily at school doing research about the ghost who scared them

"The ghost name is Kyle Marks, he died in his sleep, a girl name Julie Marks  burned down his house.", said Ivy.

"Omg thats miss up.",replies Brandon.
"Yeah agree.",says Emily
Emily and Brandon staring at each other shock and have that
scared look on there face
"Yup.",replies Ivy
''Okay,thats horrbile but he shouldnt mess with us its not our
fault that happend.",says Brandon.
"True,thats just how it is,evil ghost dont care who they blame or who they take it out on someone.",answered back Emily.
"Also,because they have a evil mind they cant straight.",stated Ivy.
"I see wow.",respond Brandon
"Dont worry best pals I will kill the ghost make sure he wont kill us or miss with us again.",annonced Ivy
"You'r not gonna go alone! I'll help kill the ghost too.",said Brandon
"Same.",responds Emily
Ivy smiles."Alright im gonna do research on what you need to kill the ghost.",counters Ivy she does research and finds what they need.
"Sword,Rubbing Alcohol,Matches.",respond back Brandon.
the matches are for to set the ghost on fire.
"Before we get the stuff we need that doesnt explain why did I only I heard the ghost at first and you girls didnt hear the ghost until after."said Brandon
"Oh because the ghost only allows the person to hear him.", replied back Emily
"Ah.",says Brandon 
Ivy plays music
Ivy goes help Emily and Brandon to grab more copys of the stuff they need
Ivy thinks to herself that ghost will not kill us or mess with us again,thinks it angrilly and also thinks to be continued.


Last edited by ★gakuenalice★ on Sun Mar 06, 2016 3:50 pm; edited 11 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:25 am

Cool part, grammar seems to be improved- nice job.
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Wed Feb 24, 2016 1:13 pm

Aw thank you Smile
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Fri Feb 26, 2016 8:37 pm

Very good...still grammar needs improvement. You could've put this in the same topic as the last part
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Fri Feb 26, 2016 10:34 pm

◆JourneyToTheStars◆ wrote:
Very good...still grammar needs improvement. You could've put this in the same topic as the last part

Thought it would be better for part two to be in new post what grammar did I do wrong? and will fix it
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Fri Feb 26, 2016 10:44 pm

Well there are kinda alot so i'll just list three
"Also because they have a evil mind they cant straight" Heres how I think it should've been: "Also, because they have an evil mind they can't think straight" Sorry about the criticism.

"You not gonna go alone gonna help kill the ghost too." I would've typed it as: "You're/Your not gonna go alone! I'll/we'll help you kill the ghost" Once again sorry about the criticism. And now.. your just mispelling 'Mess' your spelling it 'Miss' You can fix it if you want if not im perfecty fine with that
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Fri Feb 26, 2016 11:09 pm

K and when brandon said okay thats horrible but its not are fault think did that grammar wrong think its suppost to go like this "okay,thats horrible but its not are fault is that how im a suppost to fix that?
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Fri Feb 26, 2016 11:17 pm

That 'are' is actually spelled 'our'
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Fri Feb 26, 2016 11:19 pm

Oh okay never knew that did I do the rest of the grammar okay?
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Fri Feb 26, 2016 11:22 pm

If you live with a relative or somebody else who has pretty good grammar I suggest asking them since I think my writing of grammar corrections will take a long while
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Sat Feb 27, 2016 4:37 am

Good tips, Steph :p

I'd still say the grammar is an improvement to last time, at least :p
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PostSubject: Re: A beautful night turns out bad part 2   Sun Mar 06, 2016 3:52 pm

Fixed grammar forgot to add something to story added it Smile please reread it
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