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 Best valentines day ever story

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★gakuenalice ★
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PostSubject: Best valentines day ever story   Mon Mar 21, 2016 11:22 pm

Decided im gonna my best to fix the grammar on my story the one I did for the valetines day contest 


Best valentines day ever story
"Yay !  Its valentines day. ",Said Bloom said to her best friends Musa ,Flora ,and Tecna . "Yup,been waiting forever for  valentines day forever.",replies Flora .Fora loves valentines day. What kind of dress you going to wear for the dance Flora?"asks Musa "pink dress with flowers on it says", Flora. What about you Musa?" asks Flora "Im going to wear a golden dress with little bit blue on it.",Said Musa "Cool.", replies Flora. Are you going to finally wear a dress Tecna ?"asks  Bloom. Tecna doesnt like to wear dresses. "Yes only one time though, im only wearing dress cause Timmy wants to see me in one." Says Tecna. Timmy never seen her in dress before. "Will, great cant wait to see you in dress.",Replies Bloom Tecna smiles. 


"For valentines day after the dance ,Im taking Flora to the movies,then the water park then gonna kiss her when we go down the water slide.",Said helia. "Cool dude, shes never going to forget  that day not ever.",replies Prince sky. "Yeah", replies Helia. He smiles. Prince sky and Brandon practing sword fight Timmy is eating curry Riven talking to his girlfriend on the phone. What are you going to do for your girlfriend Sky?"asks Helia,"Havent decided yet.",Says Prince sky. "You better hurry up and think of an idea Fast.",Said Helia. "Yeah, I want to make Bloom have an awesome valentines day a awesome valentines day shell never forget .",Said Prince sky. "I know you think of an idea I know it. ",replies Helia. Prince sky sighs. Everyone gets ready for bed expect Prince sky . Princesky goes to the balcony and does some thinking he looks around  and then looks at the stars from their he thought of an idea.


The next day
Everyone gets ready for the dance.Bloom Flora Musa Tecna  walk in to the dance and everyone stare at them and is shocked how on amazing the girls dresses are . The speciallists goes up to their girlfriends. "You look amazing Bloom.",said Prince sky. "Thank you and you too.",replies "Bloom After the dance,Im going to take you on my jet to go see the fireflies.",replies Prince sky."Awesome,cant wait."Says Bloom. Prince sky and Bloom dance


After the dance,Riven and musa do  karaoke. Tecna and Timmy Play video games. Brandon and stella have a dinner date.Flora and Helia watching movie at the movie theater.  Prince sky and Bloom looking at the fireflies
Sorry some of the words are big phone was acting up
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PostSubject: Re: Best valentines day ever story   Mon May 09, 2016 5:44 pm

it sounds really good and I think you are doing a very good job however, I would use something other than the word "said" and make some longer sentences. If you use shorter sentences then it would sound like you are talking like a robot. As for the other words besides said. say the word as to how they are feeling such as if  the person that said the sentence is sad and they decided to let out a big sign you can said Sighed ______. Or if someone was in a rush or something you can say hurried. You can find tons of these online. Also you may want to organize your story a little bit like put it in a paragraph and even everything out insides of making some words big and some small like you did. If you need some more help, I would be happy to help you.


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PostSubject: Re: Best valentines day ever story   Mon May 09, 2016 6:19 pm

oh for some reason when I was typing my story on my phone even though was typing the words small my phone made the words big when I get on my computer eventually I will fix the big words sometimes I cant get on my computer cause of pop ups and thx for the advice sometimes when I write my story sometimes dont know how to explain something thats why my sentences are short thx for the advice again Smile I will try by best to not use said alot
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PostSubject: Re: Best valentines day ever story   Tue May 10, 2016 7:14 am

Okay thats fine and understandable. If you need help explaining or need more advice then I will help you with that. You can pretty much find alot of this stuff online or from an grammar/english teacher but I can help you if you want me to. If you want we can have private lessons and I will teach you everything you need to know if i can explain it well enough.


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PostSubject: Re: Best valentines day ever story   Tue May 10, 2016 4:22 pm

sure how about do private lessons on the weeknds i know you have to do homework to make it easier on the weeknds
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PostSubject: Re: Best valentines day ever story   Tue May 10, 2016 4:25 pm

Well. You see. I multitask alot and I am on my latop most of the times and I type really fast like a rabbit and plus school is almost out. So, I will have more time then I am almost done with my school work for the year. If you would like to start now we could.


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PostSubject: Re: Best valentines day ever story   Tue May 10, 2016 4:35 pm

sure
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PostSubject: Re: Best valentines day ever story   Wed May 18, 2016 5:42 pm

Good so far Smile .
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